Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous.

• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

• Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

• In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify I put 'DOCTOR'.

• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

• You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You only need a parachute to sky dive twice.

• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit "the target."

• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

• You're never too old to learn something stupid.

• I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.