That’s Not Good Food, Part 1: Is That Cooking, or Are You Just Hungry?
This article is the first of a three-part series I’m writing about bad food. It’s something I’ve been thinking about based on trends I’ve seen online and in restaurants near my house. Usually when I see something getting popular on Pinterest, that means it’s getting popular in people’s houses, and this is something I just cannot abide in the Cook’n family.
To be clear before I get into any of this, there are those who cook as an artistic pursuit, and there are those who cook because they’re hungry and want dinner. That second group of people gets a free pass. This series ain’t for you.
But to those of us who love the kitchen, not just the fork and knife, we need to address something serious. Fortunately, I think members of the Cook’n family will generally agree with me. What am I talking about?
Part One: Modern food culture is indulgent at the cost of genuinely good food. Just adding more to a dish doesn’t magically make it a better dish.
Want some examples?
Have you ever seen a restaurant advertise food like the picture above?
WooooooOOOWWW, just look at that milkshake! What beauty! What class! What unrivaled culinary prowess!
What a pointless, unhealthy, and ultimately disappointing way to think about food.
Here’s the thing… It’s possible that the milkshake we’re looking at is really good. But it has three problems:
Yeah, well again, two problems. First, why can’t we just let a good milkshake speak for itself? It’s really not that hard to do. Second, why is it that I constantly see these abominations being sold in real life? There’s an ice cream place right down the road from where I live that sells tower milkshakes loaded with cookies, brownies, and doughnuts. By the time you get through the treat, the whole thing is melted.
“Why can’t you just let people like what they like?”
Eh, go back to the beginning of my article. This isn’t about people who casually enjoy food. It’s about those who fancy themselves chefs pretending that stuff like this has any sort of culinary merit. Eating too much sugar? Knock yourself out. Acting like your Pinterest monster deserves any sort of merit? Get out of here.
Here’s another picture of stupid food just for good measure:
Wow. If a double smashburger is really good, you know what would be extremely good??? A six-patty burger with eight strips of bacon, all held together by a steak knife!
Listen, if the height of your culinary achievement is how many calories you can pack into a dish (zupa toscana—but with extra cream!; french fries—but smothered in five types of cheese and a special sauce!; a BLT—but now it’s a BLTQRNCPK 2000 with a mozzarella stick!), then it’s not a culinary achievement, it’s just gluttony.
And I’ll put this out there as a peace offering if I’ve ruffled any feathers: I also like to indulge from time to time in lots of cheese and meat and carbs. But let’s call it what it is—good ol’ fashioned indulgence. We can own up to that without pretending we’ve done something artistically impressive.
So how do we make amazing food instead of a pointless calorie circus?
I think it was put best by Anthony Bourdain, celebrity chef and travel documentarian: “Good food is very often, even most often, simple food.”
In other words: I don’t care what spices you seasoned your chicken breast with, and I don’t care what you put in your sauce. Show me you can make good chicken with nothing but salt, and then I’ll be impressed.
The truth is that adding “more” to our food is often just a way to mask the fact that we made bad food. I bust out the ketchup every time I’ve made something I don’t like. Let’s not do that anymore. Let’s challenge ourselves to make incredible food that stands on its merit of skill, not indulgence. And let’s post about it on Cook’n so we can get likes for things that are actually impressive, not just pointless eye candy.
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To be clear before I get into any of this, there are those who cook as an artistic pursuit, and there are those who cook because they’re hungry and want dinner. That second group of people gets a free pass. This series ain’t for you.
But to those of us who love the kitchen, not just the fork and knife, we need to address something serious. Fortunately, I think members of the Cook’n family will generally agree with me. What am I talking about?
Part One: Modern food culture is indulgent at the cost of genuinely good food. Just adding more to a dish doesn’t magically make it a better dish.
Want some examples?
Have you ever seen a restaurant advertise food like the picture above?
WooooooOOOWWW, just look at that milkshake! What beauty! What class! What unrivaled culinary prowess!
What a pointless, unhealthy, and ultimately disappointing way to think about food.
Here’s the thing… It’s possible that the milkshake we’re looking at is really good. But it has three problems:
- It was made explicitly to gain doots on social media. You can eat it all day with your eyes, but they didn’t take any time considering how you would eat it with your mouth. Am I just supposed to eat the whipped cream off the top before I eventually eat the donut, and then finally get to have the milkshake? By then, won’t it be melty? Or am I supposed to knock the donut off the top, ruining the whipped cream, and drink the milkshake next to the mess I just made? There’s no logical way to approach this thing.
- Look at the donut closely. You can see how dry it is. It wouldn’t be a good donut, so the only people who are excited to eat it aren’t interested in the food, they’re just excited by all the calories they’re looking at. In other words, whoever designed this thing is trying to hijack your nervous system by waking up the animal brain. I don’t like being manipulated in that way.
- Finally, since when is the secret ingredient to an amazing milkshake “you should eat a donut at the same time”? Simply adding calories isn’t some magic passcode to making your food better, and I’m really tired of people thinking that’s the case.
Yeah, well again, two problems. First, why can’t we just let a good milkshake speak for itself? It’s really not that hard to do. Second, why is it that I constantly see these abominations being sold in real life? There’s an ice cream place right down the road from where I live that sells tower milkshakes loaded with cookies, brownies, and doughnuts. By the time you get through the treat, the whole thing is melted.
“Why can’t you just let people like what they like?”
Eh, go back to the beginning of my article. This isn’t about people who casually enjoy food. It’s about those who fancy themselves chefs pretending that stuff like this has any sort of culinary merit. Eating too much sugar? Knock yourself out. Acting like your Pinterest monster deserves any sort of merit? Get out of here.
Here’s another picture of stupid food just for good measure:
Wow. If a double smashburger is really good, you know what would be extremely good??? A six-patty burger with eight strips of bacon, all held together by a steak knife!
Listen, if the height of your culinary achievement is how many calories you can pack into a dish (zupa toscana—but with extra cream!; french fries—but smothered in five types of cheese and a special sauce!; a BLT—but now it’s a BLTQRNCPK 2000 with a mozzarella stick!), then it’s not a culinary achievement, it’s just gluttony.
And I’ll put this out there as a peace offering if I’ve ruffled any feathers: I also like to indulge from time to time in lots of cheese and meat and carbs. But let’s call it what it is—good ol’ fashioned indulgence. We can own up to that without pretending we’ve done something artistically impressive.
So how do we make amazing food instead of a pointless calorie circus?
I think it was put best by Anthony Bourdain, celebrity chef and travel documentarian: “Good food is very often, even most often, simple food.”
In other words: I don’t care what spices you seasoned your chicken breast with, and I don’t care what you put in your sauce. Show me you can make good chicken with nothing but salt, and then I’ll be impressed.
The truth is that adding “more” to our food is often just a way to mask the fact that we made bad food. I bust out the ketchup every time I’ve made something I don’t like. Let’s not do that anymore. Let’s challenge ourselves to make incredible food that stands on its merit of skill, not indulgence. And let’s post about it on Cook’n so we can get likes for things that are actually impressive, not just pointless eye candy.
Matthew Christensen
Weekly Newsletter Contributor since 2023
Email the author! matthew@dvo.com
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