Thanksgiving is almost here, and whenever a big holiday comes up like this, I have to think through my expectations of my children. With Thanksgiving in particular, I have to think through the table manners. I don’t profess to be the neatest, most etiquette-minded person at the table (I cut more than one bite at a time like a fiend ;) ), but I also feel that generally I’m not the worst person to dine with. I try to follow the basics I learned, and I want my children to do the same! And nothing helps you know just how well or how poorly your children are learning their table manners than going to a big family dinner like Thanksgiving!

Now, there are whole lists of rules we could technically follow at the dinner table- but I’m setting some very realistic expectations here. I don’t expect my children to remember to keep their fork and spoon in a certain place, or to use the correct salad plate. However, there are a few basic manners I do expect my children to follow.

1. Chew with your mouth closed. This is probably the biggest one. Many other table manners can be easily overlooked- but a mouth full of chewed up food is pretty hard to ignore. I also want to remind my children to finish a bite before they start a conversation, instead of asking a question in the middle of chewing.
2. Use a napkin.This seems like a no-duh, but my kids will wipe their hands on their shirts, the tablecloth, their hair- pretty much everything else before the napkin. Or they just don’t use a napkin at all and have a face smeared with all the flavors of the table. Not very appetizing. Encourage the use of napkins by giving each child one at the beginning of the meal and keeping lots of extras at the table!
3. Say thank you. Nothing is more disheartening than spending all day cooking and feeling like no one appreciates it. I want to make sure my children say thank you to whoever cooks the meal- whether they actually enjoyed it or not!
4. And with that said, I also want my children to keep their opinions of how gross something is to themselves. They don’t need to be telling Aunt Sarah about how gross they think the green bean casserole is- they need to say thank you and keep their picky eater opinions to themselves. I want my kids to express themselves- but maybe not at the Thanksgiving table ;).
5. Have appropriate conversations. This means talking in an inside voice and not yelling, asking questions and not just taking over the conversation- and absolutely no potty talk.
6. Help clean up. This is such a big one for me. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a huge, delicious meal is enjoyed- and everyone (including adults!) just walks off. I want my children to actively help clean up messes- clearing dishes, picking up dirty napkins, wiping off surfaces, etc. Many hands make light work!

Now, I do have 6 kids, and I’m the oldest of 10… so I do know that most, if not all of these expectations will definitely not be met 100%.

In fact, here are my more realistic expectations:

1. Someone will spill something. Correction- everyone will spill something.
There will be tears. Someone will get water spilled on their pants or someone won’t get the last roll or someone will be up way past their bedtime and there will be tears. I would bet money on it.
2. Someone will probably say something that could be construed as rude (e.g. why aren’t you married yet? Your face is chubby. I hate that dessert. It’s gross). But luckily, my family is used to being around a ton of kids, and they’ll hopefully know not to read too much into anything my kids say ;). I try to teach my kids to be kind and be wise with words- but hey, they’re kids.
3. Someone is going to burp. And probably say the word “poop”.

I mean, I have my expectations, but I also have my expectations, you know what I mean? ;)

But, I do want to raise civilized humans who can be successful in society, and so I try my best to teach them the very basics when it comes to table manners. I think everyone probably has different priorities when it comes to which table manners are important, and that’s ok! Just be sure that you review the table manners that are important to you with your children/grandchildren- and do it frequently. They’ll mess up, they’ll forget, but the more reminders they have, the better! Eventually they’ll catch on ;).

What table manners are important to you? What do you try to teach the children in your home? Share with us in the comments below!