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Raising Boys
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas-
THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY BOYS (HONEST AND NOT KIDDING)
- A king-size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 3-year-old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20' x 20' room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
- Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a one-year-old boy.
- Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCRs do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Those who share this with almost all of their friends, with or without boys, do it because:
a. For those with no children-this is totally hysterical!
b. For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c. For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
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