I’m half-convinced that bacon is a personality trait. It belongs on almost everything. There’s bacon soda, bacon bubblegum… I’ve even seen bacon-scented bandaids.

A YouTuber once made a video explaining how the only reason bacon is so popular in America is because it was advertised so well. He is categorically false. You know how I can tell? Because pork is the most widely consumed meat in the world—in fact, it was the most widely consumed meat in America until the early 2000’s when it was surpassed by chicken. And on top of that, have you ever seen a video of a toddler trying bacon for the first time? Just watch that face and tell me bacon isn’t pure bliss.

What’s funny about bacon is how seriously people take its texture. Texture is one of those things most people don’t really care about (at least not consciously), but people are very serious about the texture of bacon.

Most of us like it almost like a chip. However, I have it on very good authority that Dan Oaks is the opposite. He likes it floppy.

Dan should be ashamed.

Everyone, please give this article an “angry” reaction to show Dan that he’s wrong.

The Great Bacon Debate

The perfect bacon is the same thing that makes any other meat perfect: the meat is soft and delicious, but the fat is perfectly rendered. What makes bacon so wonderful is that if you render it just right, it is crispy and crackly and insanely addictive. But if it gets to the point where the meat itself shatters like a stale chip, you’ve gone too far (and doubly so: this affects the flavor, making it more bitter and overly salty).

The problem with bacon is it’s really hard to get perfect. Often we find ourselves picking one of two extremes: do I want my bacon perpetually overcooked or perpetually undercooked?

In fact, if I’m being honest, I totally see where Dan is coming from. He’s chosen the end of the spectrum that preserves his bacon's flavor, whereas most other people choose the side that damages the flavor, but gives them that addictive crispiness.

So how do you get both texture and flavor?

Matthew’s Two Ultimate Bacon Techniques

That’s right, dear family. I present to you not just one, but two techniques for getting the perfect bacon—bacon where the fat is rendered just enough to get you the crispiness, but still soft enough to actually be chewable meat.

Here’s the secret: you need to heat up the bacon slowly and evenly. Too fast, and the meat will cook before the fat renders. Too uneven, and well… it’ll be unevenly cooked.

Method One—Baked Bacon: I’m starting you off with, hands-down, my favorite bacon cooking technique. I always default to this method unless I have a good reason not to. Just follow these steps:

1. Line a baking sheet in aluminum foil.
2. Place strips of bacon flat in a single layer on the foiled sheet.
3. Place the sheet in an oven that is still cold.
4. Turn on the oven to 350℉.
5. Set a timer for fifteen minutes—once the oven is hot, it should take twelve to eighteen minutes for the bacon to cook, but your time may vary. So start watching it carefully at fifteen minutes.
6. Remove the bacon while it still looks just slightly undercooked. It will harden and crisp as it cools down, so you don’t want to make it totally crispy while it’s still under the heat.
7. Remove the bacon and drain it on a plate covered with paper towels.

Why does this work?

Starting your bacon in a cold oven gives the fatty tissue ample time to begin rendering, but doesn’t overcook the meat. Simple!

Method Two—Boiled Bacon: Yes, you read that right. Go back and reread it. This is not bacon blasphemy; it actually works. Follow these steps:

1. Place your bacon in a single layer on a cold pan.
2. Fill the pan with a shallow layer of water—just enough to fully cover the bacon.
3. Turn on the stove to medium-high heat.
4. As the water heats up and begins to vaporize, the bacon-fat will gradually render.
5. Observe the bacon as the water evaporates. If the fat still isn’t well-rendered, add more water.
6. Once the fat is mostly rendered and the water is dissolved, continue to cook the bacon like normal until it reaches your desired crispiness.
7. Remove the bacon and drain it on a plate covered with paper towels.

Why does this work?

Water boils at 212℉. This is plenty cool enough that it will get to work on the bacon fat, but won’t start overcooking your meat. Then, once the water has evaporated, the fat will have sufficiently rendered for you to cook the meat. Essentially, this cooking method delays the onset of meat hardening, allowing you to more precisely control the outcome of your bacon.

This method works great, but it takes more babysitting than the oven method. I always default to the oven method unless the oven is being taken by something else like a German pancake or breakfast casserole.

NOTICE: I absolutely did NOT say you should drop a fistful of bacon into a giant pot of boiling water. That’s how you cause your food to come to life, crawl off the plate, and someday seek revenge.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for bacon. Now go forth and bake it.