I work at a college that has a student commons outfitted with several microwaves and a refrigerator. It’s the microwaving that’s prompting this article. Can we talk?
Someone microwaved what is likely the 832nd bag of hideously burnt popcorn in the past year, sending acrid waves of stench throughout the building. So here’s the deal—it’s time folks realized there are other people around. People who have noses.
It goes without saying that we shouldn't eat foods like the dead corpse-scented durian, Limburger cheese, natto or really any other fermented food product in a public building. We must have some olfactory common sense that would makes us avoid those foods out of politeness to others, right? So here is the list of the top five more common foods we should avoid eating / cooking / reheating in public at all costs.
5. POCORN: It annoys everyone when you microwave popcorn. Why? Two reasons: Number one, most people burn the popcorn. For whatever reason, microwaves seem focused on nearly incinerating a bag of Orville Redenbacher no matter how short an amount of time it’s cooked. 30 seconds? BAM. BURNT.
And number two, on the rare occasions you don't burn the popcorn and stink up the whole place with an odor that clings to the walls like 1970s Holly Hobby wallpaper, another smell takes its place: the smell of FOOD WE CAN'T HAVE. Unlike other people who are quietly sitting at their desks, odorlessly munching on a bag of peanut M&Ms or a Special K bar, you're letting everyone in a 50-yard range know that you're eating food they can't have. Delicious, buttery, crunchy, movie theater food.
4. CURRY: Maybe you don't live in an area with a high concentration of curry fans. But if you live in, say, the United Kingdom or Houston, you know the aroma of a freshly-microwaved bowl of Indian food. It's delicious...to the person eating it. To everyone else, the strong scent of the curry punches you in the face with a force that makes your eyes water and your nose run. Worse -- like the burnt popcorn smell -- the overwhelming aroma lingers for days, making the entire building smell horrid (a horrid that lingers).
3. TUNA FISH: Of all the sandwiches you could bring for lunch, you have to bring the one that smells like a wharf? Do you realize that we can't escape that odor? That now the entire area smells like a fishing boat after a 30-day slog through the Gulf? That's not a pretty smell.
2. SMELLY VEGGIES: The biggest culprits here are asparagus, onions, cabbage and broccoli. They’re most offensive when you're cooking/reheating them, of course. Asparagus, cabbage and broccoli smell like someone let a flatulent dog into the office and fed it a can of beans. And onions, well...they smell like onions. Raw, they make your eyes tear up until you can't see. And cooked, the greasy yet acrid aroma haunts you (and your work area) for the rest of the day. Stick to carrots, celery or any other inoffensive vegetables.
1. MEXICAN FOOD: Our number one offender. No other cuisine captures as many strong and offensive aromas as Tex-Mex. Stinky onions? Check. Acrid salsa? Check. Greasy cheese and chips and chile con carne gravy? Check. Malodorous beans? Check. The inevitable gas that comes from eating all of the above ingredients? Well, if you need a Mexican food fix that badly, stick to table service.
Thanks for listening…
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