Where would we be without garlic?

I’ll tell you one thing: my wife would probably kiss me more.

I have a problem. I simultaneously think that garlic is an overused and overrated ingredient; yet at the same time whenever I cook with it, I use so much that my dog hides under the table, my friends and family consider staging an intervention, and the police eventually knock on the back door.

Here’s my general garlic-cooking schedule:

• Monday: no garlic
• Tuesday: no garlic
• Wednesday: no garlic
• Thursday: ALL THE GARLIC
• Friday: bittersweet regret
• Saturday: no garlic

What can I say? I like what I like.

I don’t encourage everyone (or anyone) to be the same pungency addict that I am. However, I’ve certainly experimented with garlic in more ways than I can count on two hands. Among all these, I’ve developed my three favorite ways to cook with garlic.

Minced Garlic

Classic. Here are some tips for minced garlic.

How to increase or decrease the pungency (that eye-burning sensation): Cut it super, super finely. If you want to upgrade the garlic’s pungency, pour some salt over the minced garlic and use the side of your knife to grind it into a paste. The allicin content (ie what makes garlic pungent) will have maximized about ten minutes later and will gradually decline from there on out. If you want to drastically decrease the pungency, then don’t mince the garlic so finely, and allow ample time to reduce the pungency before serving. (use this knowledge wisely. I’ve upset more than one person by serving them a garlic dish where I intentionally maximized the pungency).

Don’t burn your garlic: Here’s one important tip… garlic burns very easily. If a recipe tells you to mix garlic and onions into the oil of your pan, then disregard the recipe. Instead, start with the onions. When they’re nice and soft, only then mix in your garlic. Add your other ingredients as soon as the garlic becomes fragrant.

How to maximize garlic flavor without adding pungency: In addition to your minced garlic, add some granulated garlic (this is like garlic powder, but better). A tablespoon of granulated garlic is about equivalent ot a large clove of fresh garlic. However, granulated garlic has no pungency. It’s just pure garlic flavor (with a slightly nutty aftertaste because of the drying process).

Whole Garlic

When stewing foods (either a tomato sauce, a soup, or… you know… a stew), it can be a great idea to simply drop whole cloves of garlic to the pot.

A common Italian cooking method is to take an entire bulb of garlic, cut it in half, and immerse both halves in the cooking liquid. I’ve done this countless times with tomato sauce and with vegetable stock.

After this, you can either fish the garlic bulbs out of the pot and discard them, or do what I like to do: squeeze the now-soft garlic cloves out of the pot and discard the leftover garlic paper. This provides you with a perfectly valid excuse to eat clove after clove of garlic with your pizza.

Another incredible way to cook with whole garlic is garlic confit. This is a slow cooking method meant to make garlic as soft as butter and to dramatically mellow out its flavor. After, you can spread the garlic on bread with a spoon. I’ve had it this way on fries with parmesan and parsley, and it was divine.

Crushed Garlic

Crushed garlic is awesome for adding the “essence of garlic” without having to add the garlic itself. It’s also a very quick way to peel your garlic. Just follow these steps:

1. Lay a clove of garlic on your cutting board. Don’t worry about peeling it.
2. Lay your chef’s knife sideways over the garlic clove.
3. Using the ball of your palm, smash the garlic.
4. Set aside your knife and grab the garlic clove. The skin should come right off and it’ll be immediately ready for use.

What do you do with crushed garlic? Great question. Add it to cooking oil.

Are you grilling a steak that you’re basting in butter? Are you planning on toasting some rice before steaming it? What about buttering some buns for your burger?

Simply throw the crushed garlic in with the oil (generally one to three cloves is plenty. In fact, just one is usually enough). Keep that garlic busy because it will burn quickly. Move it constantly, making sure to jostle it enough that it rolls and flips. Once it is thoroughly browned, use a fork or tongs to remove it from the oil.

After, you can throw that used garlic away. Or you can do what I do…

If you ever want to feel embarrassed for a home cook, come find me cooking with crushed garlic. I let it get all caramelized and crunchy, imparting the cooking oil with its fragrance, then I remove it from the heat. Then, cautiously looking over my shoulder to make sure my wife isn’t watching, I devour the crunchy clove of garlic right then and there. That’s the head chef’s proprietary snack, and I will fight you if you try to take it from me.

One Warning About Garlic

I’ve had to learn this the hard way many times. And yeah, I know, most people don’t even need this warning, but here you go:

It is possible to eat too much garlic, and it will give you a serious case of boo-boo belly. I’ve learned that I shouldn’t eat an entire bulb of garlic in one meal. Oh, woe is me and no longer having the diet and metabolism of an active teenager.

But you know… one to five cloves of garlic on my slice of pizza should be fine.

I’ve written a poem about garlic for your consideration.

There once was a man who loved garlic,
His affection was rather barbaric.
His kisses were bold,
But his friends, truth be told,
Found his breath quite a bit too vampiric

Recipe, please!

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